Letters to Anyone: Letter Two

Dear Christopher,

I guess I'm your "Everyone/Anyone," but not really "Everyone," because I am only one person. My name's Violet and that is actually my real name. I guess I'm not as paranoid as you or maybe it's because I don't care, but whatever the reason is, it's nice to meet you.

I just want to write you back to let you know I think you are right and wrong. I don't think it is possible to be completely happy. I have never been completely happy, so when it comes to my experiences, you're teacher is right.

I'm not good at math or statistics, but if it were possible to be 100% happy, wouldn't it have happened by now due to sheer luck? I guess it's possible to flip tails every time, but I think it would land on heads at least once if you do it enough. I'm 18 and I think that one of my days, one of my coin flips would be heads, but it never has. So, you're wrong. Sorry.

But you are also right. If you say it is possible to be completely happy, than it is possible to be completely sad (which contradicts your last sentence, by the way). It is possible because when you are on the verge of life and death at your own hands, there is no light… there is no happiness. I'm not going to pretend that I know you and your life story, but I don't think you have been there. If you have been, than you would know what it feels like to be completely empty… flipping tails does that to you.

But none of it really matters. What does being "happy" even mean? Try to describe it for me. I'm not stupid and I know I have been happy before, but I can't put it into words and I can't pry the slivers of sadness from deep within, so they just stay and happiness becomes less and less happy. Sad becomes less sad. I don't know if I am making sense, but the line between happiness and sadness is blurring. So, maybe we won't have to worry if it is possible to be 100% either way. Maybe it will be one state of being and pain and pleasure will be one in the same. I can only hope.

I really hope you find this, Christopher. I'm going to put it where I found yours. I'm assuming you placed it under the paw of the bulldog statue outside the gym. I doubt it was elsewhere and magically found its way there.

And if you are not Christopher, can you please put the letter back? I really want to talk to him. Thank you.

I don't like being so pessimistic… but it is just so easy sometimes.

-Violet